March 14 will ever be a blue day in our home. It will ever make me stop and think. But the truth of the matter is, it is a day like any other. And I miss Howard, as we all miss those we’ve loved and lost, at odd times, when I’m laughing and want to share what amuses me, when I see a great movie that I know he’d like, when I see a musical that I really don’t like and everyone else does and I need him to tell me that I’m crazy…or maybe that I’m not.
At the moment I miss him a lot because our mom is failing and I am dealing with big decisions that I really want to discuss with my big brother. A few months before he died, Howard said to me, “I’m leaving you Mom.” I rolled my eyes and thanked him snarkily. It’s okay, he gifted Mom to me snarkily. She’s not always been easy but she’s always been Mom and always the subject of endless fascination and frustration for my brother and me.
It’s been so long and yet if feels like yesterday. I can’t believe that I’m more than twenty years older than my older brother. He stopped aging at 40 and I carried on for both of us.
I hope for all of you that your siblings have continued on as they should – maintaining the proper birth order distance established by your parents all those years ago – that your brother who’s three years older is still there, three years older than you. That your sister, the one who irritated you no end, is still five years younger, still just as irritating
And if you feel up to it, and the stars are in alignment, and March 14 happens to make you as sentimental as it makes me, go ahead, and give your brother, your sister or both a call. Call it a March 14 thing.